Making Minutes Count

As graduation and my departure for Europe grow closer and closer, I think about the one maybe two days I will get to see my boyfriend before I leave for several months.

Now I am faced with the task of figuring out how to make those last few minutes of time that I get to spend with him... last me for 2 and half months while we are away from each other.

How do we make minutes count with the ones we love? I have compiled a list of DOs and DONTs when you only have a short time with someone.

DOs
1. Hugs/Kisses/Hand holding (Physical touch is something that is so important to human interaction, not talking about heavy PDA, but small touches and pats on the back let people know you are there and care)
2. Listen and Respond (Don't worry about anything else you have to be doing. Be present and engage in conversation)
3. Go do something fun! (Activities that get you out of the house and moving are always great! Laughter and Smiles are the goal here)

DONTs
1. Pick petty fights. (Spend the time enjoying each others company, don't waste it arguing)
2. Just watch Netflix and lay in bed. (I know it is easy to bunker down and not do anything, but you will remember it all much more if you getting to talk and play with each other instead of watching a computer screen.)
3. Talk about how long you are going to be apart. (That is a problem for your future self, enjoy the moment while it is here.)

Long Distance Love

Have you ever been parted from the one you love for a long period of time? Do you live in different states? countries? If you have ever been in a long distance relationship then you know how hard it is to maintain and nourish a healthy relationship with hundreds of miles between you.

 I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of three years (3 yr anniversary in 2 days!), and although it has only been for a year it has still taken a toll on both of us. There have been times where we didn't know if it was going to work out between us, simply because not being able to have a physical relationship with the person you love or simply not seeing them in person is torture.

Of course technology has helped long distance couples by providing us with tools such as Facetime and Skype, which allow you too see your significant other, but we don't yet have the capabilities to recreate the sensation of touching another person.

My advice for anyone who is in a relationship such as this is to learn more about the way you and your partner give and receive love. In fact there is a free test you can take called the 5 Languages of Love that will let you see how you most easily recognize and reciprocate love. This will help you figure out how to show your partner, in terms and actions they can understand, how much you love and care of them.

Give it a try. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Saying Goodbye to Friends

Friends come and go, because we as people change and grow. As my graduation from college quickly approaches I fear the looming thought of saying goodbye to the friends that have made these past four years so wonderful. 

Why must we endure the ripping apart of friendships because of geography?! I hate that I will only be able to see my friends a few times over a matter of years because of jobs, money, and time. I am terrified of losing my friends, the people that have supported, fueled, and loved me. 

Some people say that the friends you make in college will be the ones you will still have at the end of your life. And I have to say, I agree. The friends I have made here, helped me to really find and love myself. Where did you meet your best friends? Have you ever had the painful task of saying goodbye?

Cheating On and Being Cheated On

Touchy subject for most people. If you have ever been cheated on or cheated with someone then you know the roller coaster of emotions that can come along when dealing with infidelity. As someone who has cheated (I am not proud of that fact) and has been cheated on, I would like to talk about what I consider cheating and get your feedback as well. Are there different kinds of cheating? Are there ever situations where cheating is okay? Does cheating on your partner mean your relationship is over?

First, is there a difference in cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend verses a husband/wife? I believe there is. Not that it is not cheating when it is on a boyfriend or girlfriend, but that the level of importance and consequences are much lower, verses cheating on someone that you are married to. When marriage is a part of the equation you are dealing with children, money, and life paths. If the urge to cheat on your wife or husband is a real feeling you have, then having an honest and open conversation about your thoughts and feelings is something that must occur if you are to continue to have a life together. If they love you they will be willing to change things and compromise to make it work.

Some people will say that cheating is never okay. Some say that monogamy was never meant to be in nature. Humans are physical creatures that crave attention and need contact with others, what happens when you are in a long distance relationship and are never with the person you love? Does this mean that you are to never experience the warm touch of another person? Or that you are to suffer and wait? Physical touch has always been how I have communicated my love for others. Not just romantic love, but friendship as well. Because of this, I have never found physical touch to be a bad or regrettable action.

Does the heart feel what is does not see? Is honesty the most important part of the relationship? Can you be physically involved with someone while loving someone else? I would like to hear your thoughts on the issue!

Losing Battles, To Win Wars

Learn to think long term.

This is something I have had to learn the hard way in my relationship with my Mom. For years we have been fighting it out over stupid issues and getting our feelings hurt when one of us accidentally steps over the line. 

My sister is only 2 years older than me, but she is wise beyond her years. Since she was 18 years old, she has been trying to mediate the arguments between my mother and myself. Every time she told me to  stop and think about the conversation and what I wanted to accomplish with it. Was yelling and screaming to my mother that something was unfair going to get me what I wanted? No. So why was that the only way I could approached a disagreement with her? 

I learned to pick my battles, to win the overall war. Not to say that my relationship with my Mom is a War. But it really did help our relationship for me to stop and think about the worth of the conversation and my tone.

Have an end game. And think about where you want to go, and how you need to act to get there.

4 Words I Live By

I have been playing around with this new idea. As a theatre performance major, many of my classes require me to talk about my own life experiences and the pieces that I can draw from when working on building a character for the stage. Recently, there is one story I keep coming back to, that has inspired this new freedom of thinking for me, and that is:

Make people love you. 

...That's it. It's that simple.

Now, I'm sure you are wondering, "Ashton, what was that one story that you kept going back to?" Well. Without embarrassing myself too much I will tell you...but only because it has a happy ending. 

It was my freshman year at HPU, and I had fallen for one of my best friends. He was a flirt. And I mean a BIG flirt. It was the night of the Pi Kapp Highlighter party and everyone was dressed in neon colors sports bras and shorts with whites cut up shirts to draw on with highlighters. Chaz being a gentleman walked me back to his house where a few of our friends were going to continue to celebrations. At this point in the night, I was having a great time! I had been drinking with my friends and the guy I really liked was walking with me to his house. 

I decided that this was as good a time as any to let him know how I felt. 

So I kissed him.

After the 5 seconds of shock, he grinned and just said, "Yeah?" All the while smiling from ear to ear.

Then I told him how it was. I told him that I really liked him, and that I believed that we were going to eventually date and be together. I said that I had prayed about it to God and that everything was going to work out the way it should. So no pressure. 

At hearing this, his face of shock was back but this time it took a little bit longer for him to compose himself. But then he kissed me.

3 weeks later we were dating.

And I am so happy to say that April 11, 2015 is our 3 year anniversary.

So many wonderful things can happen in your life if you have the courage and conviction to: 

Make people love you. 

First Loss

Death is something that make a lot of people feel uncomfortable. Why is that? Is it because we know that one day, death will also come for us? Death happens to everyone, so you would think that it would be a normal topic of conversation seeing that it happens everyday.

The first time we lose someone in our lives, is the time when we ask a lot of questions. I was only 8 years old when my MawMaw Lola passed away. She was 91 years old and I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread! I would go to stay with her for a few days at a time in Egypt, Arkansas. Now for anyone that has never been to AR, Egypt it has a total population of 201 people living there. My days with my MawMaw were spent listening to the radio and eating honey buns on the front porch after church on Sunday.

I remember my mother sitting my sister and I down to tell us that MawMaw had fallen asleep and didn't wake up. As a child, I didn't fully grasp what that meant. I asked a lot of questions. Why did MawMaw not want to wake up? Where did she go? Was she with God in heaven? And where exactly is heaven, can I visit her there?

Going to the funeral answered many of those questions, better than my mother could at the time. I will never forget seeing her in that open casket and having to leave the room. Whoever was laying in the casket was not the MawMaw I knew. She looks cold, still, and unwelcoming...the complete opposite of the women I knew and loved.

What was your first experience losing someone? How old were you? Was is confusing?

Death seems so natural to me now that I have grown up a little. Not something to fear or run from, but an end to a wonderful journey. What are your thoughts?

First Love

I met Cody in the 7th grade during Mrs. Avery's homeroom class. He was my first love, and my boyfriend from 8th grade to our senior year of high school. There is something so innocent and wonderful about first loves. Most people find their first love at a younger age, making it even more frustrating when someone would say, "What do you know about love? You're just a kid." When we are younger we fight against our age, trying to race ahead into the future...until we are older, and then all we can talk about is getting younger. Or younger looking that is.

A first love can help us through all the ups and downs that go along with the very overwhelming and sometimes life altering state of love. All the awkward firsts that we experience: first kiss, dance, date, and breakup. All things that can be wonderful and exciting, but also terrifying. Having that person that you can trust, that is experiencing it along with you, can only form a lifelong bond of experience. I will always carry a small piece of Cody in my heart, because he was a part of my story. Because of him I learned how to laugh, when I am taking myself too seriously, and how to push forward even when you think your dreams have been shattered.

Losing him felt like life would never go on...and look at me now. My story is still being written.

I'm curious, what did you learn from your First Love? Were you heart broken or the heart breaker? Do you still think about them from time to time? When did you know that they were the one or not the one? Let me know.

“Love, like everything else in life, should be a discovery, an adventure, and like most adventures, you don’t know you’re having one until you’re right in the middle of it.” 
― E.A. Bucchianeri

Only Human

As humans we naturally crave emotional and physical connections with other people. Those connections help us to grow as individuals, and allow us to enter the world with a better understanding of how it works. Every day people enter and exit our lives, some will seem insignificant, while others seem to shake the very foundation of our worlds. 

Each person can teach you something about the world, and some can even teach you something about yourself...if you let them. This blog is the discuss situations and relationships in my life that have shaped me into the women I am today. I invite my readers to also share there stories and thoughts on all that is said here. So, what do you think? What is it about love and loss that can shake us to the core? What causes those goosebumps on your arms or those butterflies in your stomach? Or the sudden pain in your heart, when you lose your first love? How do we coupe, and how do we move on?

I am excited to go on this journey of self-discovery! I hope to come out on the other side with a refreshing view of the world and a yearning for more life, more love, and more experiences.

Happy Blogging! :)